when she awoke, her world was on fire
by S.J Carter
Summary: "They called me a monster too, you know?"/ or the untold story of the queen of winters to come and the devil disguised as a prince. ―-HansElsa


_Le notes:_ So right now, I'm exploring the relationship that could have been. Really angst-y stuff is coming your way, hope you're ready. And this story takes place after the events of the movie. So instead of being brought back to his family, Hans gets locked up in the Arendelle dungeons and Elsa pays him a curious little visit. Hope you enjoy!

_Summary:_ "They called me a monster too, you know?"/ or the untold story of the queen of winters to come and the devil disguised as a prince. ―-HansElsa

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**when she awoke, her world was on fire**

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woken up like an animal,  
teeth ready for sinking  
my mind's lost in bleak vision,  
i tried to escape but keep sinking  
_-daughter, Human_

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The feverish heat of the renewed summer beckons the evening for the welcoming of a countless number of fresh-faced tourists in to the kingdom of Arendelle. Amongst them, is a prince deemed prisoner; Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. And though his expression, feigned with hurt and shame, may surprise her; Elsa knows better than anyone that there are consequences to treason. She remembers everything, every waking moment in that cell. The chains, the shackles, the darkness, the feeling of suffocation, and the sad look in Hans's eyes when he found her, scared and restless. He promised to save her, to try to at least. And his voice sounded so honest and sincere and full of regret. It almost made her believe him. Still, this is not pity and this is not common ground. This is merely a memory because Hans hurt Anna. And anyone who dares to lay a hand on Anna will forever be faced with Elsa's wrath.

"Well, well, well," he greets, all smug and malicious-like, "if it isn't the Queen of Arendelle?" He grits his teeth from behind his cellar. "So tell me, what brings you to my humble abode?" After spending days and days, locked up in a cellar: Prince Hans, once again, grows a tad mad and develops a cynical sense of humor.

She visits him, once every month, with her heart filled with vengeance and hate. She thinks she hates him; she really does, regardless of what's going on elsewhere in the world. She makes it a point to visit him because he hurt Anna. And if the Arendelle dungeons aren't enough to punish Prince Hans for his wrong doings, she's sure that the queen's icy eyes will extinguish this devil's flames, once and for all.

"You're disgusting," she spits, pulling at her silk blue gloves, trying to control herself. Although love had calmed her powers down, she still couldn't fully stop herself from freezing anyone who drove her wild. And Hans definitely made her a tad insane with rage. "What you did to my sister is unforgivable and you're lucky that your status as a prince is protecting you, Hans. Otherwise, I would have ordered the guards to have you guillotined before the entire kingdom."

Surprisingly, she hears him laugh.

"My, my," he replies, like the cynic he has become, "dear queen of winters to come, you haven't changed a bit now, have you?" He deems her mad; the mad queen who was insane enough to bestow an eternal winter upon her own kingdom. But she claims that he is the crazy one. Hans even looks the part, with his beard grown out and his hair unwashed. His eyes are red from lack of sleep and his heart―

_"They called me a monster too, you know?"_

His heart is black; pure darkness, no sign of light, no shimmer of hope.

"Don't you dare try to compare yourself to me!" The queen screams, sending icy waves on to the once wooden floors. Hans no longer fears her; he doesn't even flinch at the sight of her monstrous powers. He merely smirks, immensely impressed by her abilities. Elsa feels her heartbeat slow down. This was the first time that someone had witnessed her wrath-filled powers and not looked at her as if she was an abomination.

"What do I have to be afraid of?" He questions, and she's not sure if he's talking to her, or to himself. "I've got nothing to lose. My family loathes me, my kingdom shames me, and the queen…" their eyes meet for the first time this evening, "the queen thinks me mad."

She leaves him then, disturbed and angry.

Hans whispers in to the distance, "only the queen herself is mad, you know? As mad as one can be."

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When she thinks of childhood, all she thinks of is Anna.

Anna. _Anna_. **anna. **Brown hairs tangled on green grass and freckles and soft skin. All smiles and crooked teeth. And laughter, so much laughter. Elsa threw everything away for her sister. She locked herself in a room and never saw the light of day. She watched her grow up and befriend strangers, fall in love with a bad man, and then a good one. She watched her cry, watched her smile, watched her as she was adored by her parents, by the servants, and by the rest of the castle's people. Watching alone is enough to make one lose one's mind. Imagine what it must feel like to be stuck inside this lonely snowglobe she dared to call 'life'. Elsa never thought that envy could fit her so well. Because she loves Anna, loves her more than she's loved anyone. She would die for her, you know. But sometimes, she thinks she hates Anna too. Perhaps, that is why she ends up freezing her sister's warm heart. You know, because she wants that: warmth. She wants what Anna has, happiness and freedom. The things that Anna takes for granted because Anna is―

_"Do you wanna make a snowman?"_

Anna is born lucky and Elsa―

_"Monster. Monster!"_

Elsa was lucky to be born.

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The next time she visits him, Hans offers her a book. He meets her gaze with an equal measure of mystery and amusement present in his deep dark eyes. He stretches his hand out, between the bars of his cellar, waving the purple book around her face in order to get some type of reaction out of her.

"You-who! Earth to the Queen Elsa of Arendelle!" Hans sings, still waving the book around.

"What?" Elsa snaps, turning her head in his direction.

Hans's smirk fades when he notices the queen's dark circles, matching his own. They say that insomnia is one of the first signs of madness. "Here." Hans's tone is suddenly softer, derived of cynicism and filled with anguish.

Elsa takes the book in her hands. "What is this?" She questions, flipping through the pages of the purple colored cahier.

"It's a journal I've been keeping ever since the first day I was kicked out of my kingdom." He admits, scratching the back of his head in quite an innocent manner.

"I see," the queen says, scowling. "And why are you giving this to me?" She asks him, closing the book in his face.

Hans sighs, "they told me I was changing locations soon. Said that the prince needs to be transported back to the Southern Isles dungeons since it might lighten my sentence." Once he finishes, Elsa almost freezes his mouth shut. But he looks at her again and she remembers that ―_oh yah, he's not scared of me. _He's the only one who isn't.

"You don't deserve a lighter sentence." She settles for words instead of ice.

Again, Hans chuckles at her bitterness. "I know." His gentleness ―and, dare she say it, his sense of sanity― catches her off guard. "Anyway, I wanted to give you my journal in hopes that you would have a change of heart."

This time, she can't help but send him death glares.

Hans chuckles. "Oh c'mon, you of all people know that I'm not all bad." He's right, she knows this and so does his entire kingdom. He tried to save her life once, to stop a man from firing an arrow at her head. She's heard his softspoken English and how desperately he wanted to be seen. He was invisible under the shadows of twelve other brothers. He was miserable, he was alone. Until the night he finally wasn't.

"You tricked my sister in to falling for you, and then locked her in a room to die. You also tried to take over my kingdom and make fools of my people. You really expect me to believe that there is good in the likes of you?"

Hans rolls his eyes. At least he was teaching her a little something about self-control since she had yet to freeze his heart. "Anyone would become a tyrant when bestowed upon with such a powerful position. Honestly, Queen Elsa, I don't know how you can manage. Maybe I'm better off in this prison. At least here, I'm only responsible for myself and not an entire kingdom."

His prison reminds her of her bedroom; that wretched blue bedroom mother and father told her to remain in because she was not like the other girls. She was not like Anna. She was ―is― a monster. Elsa wonders if she truly was better off in that bedroom. At least then, she wouldn't endanger the lives of those she loves.

She opens up his journal as a distraction. She didn't want Hans of all people to know that the Queen of Arendelle was losing her mind.

_Tuesday, November 28th_

_The queen sees me again today. Three days in a row, I must be lucky. Her hair is tied up sideways this evening with a few loose curls framing her face. She's in a light blue gown, matching blue gloves cover her hands and, as always, she's breathtakingly beautiful_―

Elsa stops, feeling her heart skip a beat as she turns to face Hans. He grins, baring his teeth to her. "So, you got to the good part eh?"

She couldn't believe it, he was flirting with her. "Is this some kind of joke?" She asks, angry. Hans shrugs. Elsa quickly goes through the rest of the diary, skimming the pages thoroughly. "All these entries, they're about me." She specifies.

"There's not much else to write about," he admits, "locked up in a cell all day and night with only a single visitor who isn't even family to you. It makes you appreciate the little things in life." He goes on to say, approaching her and sending her a seductive smile. It's unfathomable, how he can remain attractive despite forgetting to groom. Then again, he is a prince, through and through. And princes never look unattractive. "You know, like the face of a pretty girl."

Elsa wonders why she's so patient with him tonight. Perhaps because he is leaving. Though she doesn't think that she'll miss him. "Pretty?" She repeats, as if the word is foreign to her.

"I believe I used the term 'breathtakingly beautiful'." He's still flirting with her.

Elsa can't remember the last time a man hadn't quacked in fear at the sound of her name. "Hans," she smirks then, and he wonders if she's grown fond of him. "You really underestimated me. Do you honestly think that I am going to fall for this nonsense?"

And then, for the first time in months, Hans bursts out laughing. An actual laugh, strong and firm with one small sparkling tear of joy sliding down his left cheek. "Oh my queen," he sings, wiping the tear away. "I wouldn't dream of it." The room is silent after his honest words. Elsa waits for him to continue. "After all, you're not Anna." Elsa rolls her eyes.

That's what she's been hearing all her life. She's not Anna: she's not happy, go-lucky, irresponsible, married, in love, and sane. She's not Anna because Hans never picked her, and neither did Kristoff, or any other boy because Elsa is―

"But that's why I like you." Because she's not Anna. "You're too smart to be seduced by me."

Suddenly, there is it, the feeling of butterflies in her stomach.

"What?" Elsa's confused expression causes Hans to realize that she is no queen, she is just a girl.

"Your sister didn't tell you, did she?" He says and Elsa looks as lost as ever. "Anna might have been the one I fooled at your coronation your majesty, but my affections for you were always true."

Elsa shakes her head. "I don't understand."

This time, Hans reeks of honour and honesty. "Look," he begins, reaching for her hand. "I know you think that everyone always picks Anna, and that Anna will always be the one…but that's not how I feel."

Elsa feared this, that he was only using Anna in order to get closer to the queen. That she would realize this and come to the conclusion that the only man who could ever fall for the icequeen was not a man at all. But a beast.

"Growing up, I heard stories about a queen, locked away in her castle at the young age of ten." Hans doesn't stop speaking, not until Elsa understands that underneath every devilish mask, there is a fallen angel. "And I heard of her beauty and mysterious powers. I never believed it though, no one did. Ridiculous stories of trolls and healing." Hans hears her catching breath, he continues regardless of it all. "But then, when I saw you use your powers for the first time I thought―"

_She-demon._

_Abomination._

_Monster._

"I thought _what a thing_," he marvels at the memory of ice cold hands, "to be able to produce magic with only the tips of her fingers." _Magic_, no one had ever referred to her as magical before. "And then I thought boy, this queen must really be something."

Magical. Was she actually magical?

"You've known about me, since you were young?"

Hans nods his head. "I'd seen portraits of you in all the papers. They never could capture your exquisite beauty, you know?"

Was this another one of Hans's tricks? Then again, what would he get in return for fooling the queen? She would never set him free and she would never fall for this because this is not a lie, this is the truth.

"My affections for you have only grown since then. Before power drove me mad, I came to the kingdom with the intent of wedding the queen, Elsa of Arendelle. The one I have admired since I was a lad and―"

"Enough!" Elsa exclaims, unable to handle anymore declarations. "I've heard enough Hans." It takes all her strength to stop herself from crying. "You were thirteenth in line for the throne and desperate for fortune. You picked my sister because she was naïve enough to see good in you. You said that yourself." This is what happens to people who notice light in darkness, they get fooled and the blackness swallows them whole.

"You're horrible Hans, absolutely despicable, and I will never believe a word that comes out of your mouth."

The queen leaves with his journal still in hand; a thousand and one pages of truths deemed as lies follow her in to the darkness.

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Days later, after Hans has been relocated in to the Southern Isles, the purple journal is still sitting on her wooden desk. It's open and flipped to the last page, a blank entry is her witness. There are missing words on paper and not enough letters, not enough syllables ―nothing. There's nothing in her heart. Anna and Kristoff go off in to the sunset, hand in hand while Elsa stands on the balcony that overlooks a kingdom with nothing but echoes.

Hans's words are forever engraved in to her soul, _"only the queen herself is mad, you know? As mad as one can be."_

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**End**

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_Le more notes: _Oh no, I hadn't expected this to get so ooc. But then again, maybe it isn't? I don't know anymore, ah I'm so insecure about this fic. Still, I really wanna write more HansElsa because this was a lot of fun. And I really should be getting back to studying for finals. Thanks for reading and please drop me a review if you can. Don't forget to follow me on tumblr (link of my profile).

―**_Xoxo Carter_**


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